Late-Night Dorm-Room Conversation Topics, Updated for Middle Age
Do you ever think about death?
Do you ever think about aging in place?
Would you sleep with a professor to avoid failing?
Would you agree to attend your son’s teacher’s three-hour Herbalife lecture, in the library community room on a Saturday morning, if it would keep him from failing gym?
What would you do with a million dollars?
What would you do with forty-five unassigned minutes all to yourself?
What do you think we’ll remember about this incredible time in our lives?
Why do I still know all the lyrics to the Spin Doctors’ “Two Princes”?
Why is there so much pain and suffering in the world?
Why are there so many Isabellas in the world, including the child I inexplicably gave that name to?
Would you pull the lever so that the trolley only kills one person, even if he’s a better person than the five that you’re saving?
Does anyone know any effective stretches to help avoid lower-back pain from actions such as pulling a lever?
Fuck, Marry, Kill: Kiefer Sutherland, John Cusack, Carrot Top?
Fuck, Marry, Kill: Income-tax returns, life-insurance policies, that folder explaining benefits that you received from H.R. when you were onboarded, and then immediately lost?
At what moment do I become an actual adult? Is it when I graduate, or when I have a child of my own? Maybe when I have more years behind me than ahead? When I love someone more than I love myself?
I know this one—it was when I voluntarily agreed to buy a HVAC-maintenance plan from a very nice young man named Russell who called me “ma’am.”
Who do you think the next member of the Twenty-seven Club will be?
It’s sad that Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, and Janis Joplin died so young, but, on the other hand, isn’t it a relief that we didn’t have to watch them become spokespeople for a geriatric-psoriasis medication?
If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would you choose?
Probably a Scorsese film because I have yet to stay awake to see the end of any of them.
Do you ever wonder if God is real?
Do you ever wonder if soluble fibre is real? ♦