“Lady Face/Off ”
Margot Robbie and Emma Mackey swap faces and nobody notices and their careers are unchanged.

“My Best Friend’s Divorce”
Julia Roberts succeeds this time—she and Dermot Mulroney end up together. That’s what you wanted, right? You sickos. Cameron Diaz, remember, dropped out of college when she was nineteen to marry Mulroney, so now she’s just coming up for air, like, what did I do with my life? And it’s too real. There’s a musical number randomly in the middle of it.

“But Seriously, What About Bob?”
The two chillest hangs, Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfuss, reprise their roles. But now they both want to murder, I don’t know, Barry Keoghan or something.

“Reservoir CATS”
Sort of a sequel to “Reservoir Dogs” while also being in the “CATS” universe, this film features an ensemble cast of C.G.I. felines with buttholes who do crimes or whatever “Reservoir Dogs” was about. I have not seen it and people need to stop yelling at me about that.

“Four More Weddings and Ten Funerals”
More of an endurance test than a movie.

“Rigged Election”
Reese Witherspoon’s kid becomes the first fascist high-school president.

“33 Going on 50”
It’s been twenty years since Jennifer Garner time-travelled or body-swapped or whatever she did in the first one. Now she’s thirty-three until she wakes up one day and she’s fifty. Her life is relatively unchanged, but she needs to go to physical therapy for a shoulder thing and also she and Mark Ruffalo are in a bit of a rut sexually but nothing unfixable. In fact, they go to couples therapy and it really does seem to help. She’s had great work done and looks exactly the same as she did in her early thirties. There’s not much conflict in this sequel but there is a random dance number.

“Showgirls: Next Gen”
Or is this just what the latest season of “Euphoria” was? Either way, it’s hot girls eating puppy chow.

“The Talented Mr. Ripley: The Reboot”
Barry Keoghan stars as a lower-class sociopath who goes to criminal lengths to ingratiate himself with a wealthy playboy, Jacob Elordi, and his wealthy family and—oh, wait, that’s “Saltburn.”

“Decent Proposal”
Honestly? In this economy? Yeah, you can have sex with my wife. Have you seen gas prices right now?

“Father of the Common-Law-Married Bride”
This is just a thirty-seven-year-old woman and her long-term, live-in partner explaining to the woman’s parents for the hundredth time that they don’t believe in marriage, so please stop asking because we’ve been over this, Mother.