Some Mangled Foreign Title Translations
“Breaking Bad”/“Esteemed Oligarch” (Russia)
Failed teacher Walter White strikes it rich and becomes the envy of his peers when he creates a powerful pharmaceutical.
“How to Train Your Dragon”/“Flight of Ultimate Power” (North Korea)
A boy wishes to possess his own powerful beast, but is incorrectly told by others that he is too small and not strong enough to be trusted with such a lethal weapon. He perseveres, and is soon capable of burning to cinders all those who doubted him. (Family comedy.)
“Home Alone”/“Time to Get Back to Work!” (Burkina Faso)
An able-bodied eight-year-old boy goofs around at home while his job is apparently handled by others. Well-meaning adults try to get him to return to his factory and are repeatedly repelled.
“Captain America: Brave New World”/“Arrogant American: Same Old Shit” (France)
More from the man—and the country—that took credit for winning the Second World War. (Science fiction.)
“Dune: Part Two”/“Those Mad Worms Won’t Stop, Mate” (Australia)
You think those dodgy snakes in the outback are devo? You ain’t seen nothing, mate!
“There Will Be Blood”/“The Greatest Enterprise” (Saudi Arabia)
Bold entrepreneur Daniel Plainview enters the desert and, with great fortitude, extracts the wealth that lies beneath its surface, for which he is justifiably allowed to kill people.
“Shark Tank”/“The Evils of Capitalism” (Cuba)
Loutish bourgeois pigs sit in judgment of ideas brought to them by a proletarian who, in his ignorance and poverty, vies to be exploited.
“White Lotus” (Season 2)/“Italian Prostitutes Are the Smartest” (Italy)
Two beautiful and charming Sicilian women contrive an ingenious scheme to take advantage of American tourists, including one of the Sopranos!
“Wicked”/“Education of Girls Leads to Evil” (Afghanistan)
American girls attend a school and, as a result, cause all sorts of problems, especially when they refuse to listen to the male wizard. (Documentary.)
“Squid Game”/“These Poor Sods Are Done For, Mate” (Australia)
Crikey, you’ve never seen nothing like it: a whole mob of drongos getting in barneys just to keep from carking it.
“Ted Lasso”/“Uppity Yank” (England)
An American who knows nothing about real football comes to the place where it was invented and attempts to tell the creators of the sport how to play. Where are the hooligans when you need them? (Dystopian fantasy.)
“Selling Sunset”/“Hollywood Money-Laundering Opportunities” (Panama)
A look at some of the exciting foreign properties awaiting investment, as well as the photogenic launderers handling them.
“The Office”/“American Workplace” (China)
Let’s see Americans with this kind of work ethic do without Chinese products! (Documentary.)
“The Apprentice”/“Useful Idiot” (Russia)
An unwittingly compromised American “businessman” hazes candidates to be employees in his “business”—a sleeper cell to destroy NATO.
“Big Brother”/“Big Brother” (North Korea)
Americans show off the great number of surveillance cameras used by the state to keep them safe.
“Mamma Mia!”/“Awful Tourists Sing Poorly” (Greece)
Suspense builds throughout the movie as locals wonder: When will these annoying visitors leave?
“Knocked Up”/“Maculate Conception” (Vatican City)
When two heretics engage in drunkenness and debauchery, they face the dire consequences of their fornication. (Horror.)
“The Substance”/“Crikey, This Sheila’s a Dodgy Yowie!” (Australia)
Strewth, mate! You’ve not seen anything like this buggered bird fresh out of the dunny on the wallaby with her festy mug and gob all sideways-like. Yucko! ♦