幽默
135 篇文章
幽默
巴里·韦斯：我盯上了
我们的首要目标，和《60分钟》一样，是平衡。米德湖在胡佛大坝北边太久了。等我们完工，它也会出现在南边。
Bari Weiss Is On It
Our first goal, as with “60 Minutes,” is balance. Lake Mead has been on the north side of the Hoover Dam for too long. When we’re finished, it will be on the south side, too.
幽默
我愿出两万美元跳过你的爵士演出
现金如何？
I’ll Pay Twenty Thousand Dollars to Skip Your Jazz Show
How’s cash sound?
幽默
Aparna Nancherla与Josh Gondelman加入漫画标题竞赛
两位喜剧演员尝试为《纽约客》漫画配文。
Aparna Nancherla and Josh Gondelman Enter the Cartoon Caption Contest
The comedians try their hand at captioning New Yorker cartoons.
幽默
纽约市最悲伤的欢乐时光
特色包括现场乐队卡拉OK和自带玉米饼星期二。
The Saddest Happy Hours in N.Y.C.
Featuring live-band karaoke and B.Y.O.T. (bring your own tortilla) Tuesdays.
幽默
宝宝小睡时的待办清单
把收件箱清空到零。或者至少降到7,329封，那也算巨大进步了。
To-Do List for While My Baby Naps
Get down to Inbox Zero. Or at least Inbox 7,329, which would still be a big improvement.
幽默
《奥德赛3：IMAXimum冲击》
缪斯啊，请讲述达蒙的侍奉——他是阿弗莱克之友、金梅尔之敌，勇敢地蓄须一整年。
The Odyssey 3: IMAXimum Impact
Speak now, muse, of the ministrations of Damon, friend of Affleck and foe of Kimmel, who bravely grew out his beard for a year.
幽默
写作卡壳时该怎么办
如果你专注于每天写一千字，就不会因为过去一年半被困在潜艇里而感到不堪重负。
How to Write When You’re Feeling Stuck
If you focus on writing a thousand words a day, you won’t feel overwhelmed by the fact that you’ve been trapped in a submarine for the past year and a half.
幽默
购物车冥想练习
那些我不知怎么说服自己急需的零碎物件。
Practicing Shopping-Cart Meditation
Random things that I somehow convinced myself I desperately need.
幽默
Skarsgård绿卡婚姻
我们每一位幸运客户都将与一位Skarsgård家族成员精准配对——该家族成员数量不定。
Skarsgård Green-Card Marriages
Each one of our lucky clients will be expertly matched with a Skarsgård sibling, which are indeterminate in number.
幽默
恐音症烟花
如今引信更短了！
Misophonia Fireworks
Now with even shorter fuses!
幽默
保罗·里维尔的完整指示
如果这更像是一场文化入侵，那就点亮十二盏灯笼，再给自己剪个拖把头。
Paul Revere’s Unabridged Instructions
Light twelve lanterns and give yourself a mop-top haircut if it seems like more of a cultural invasion.
幽默
美国！：疯狂小丑帮更名为相当理性小丑帮
疯狂程度的Overton窗口已偏移如此之远，以至于《还在捅》这样的歌曲听起来都像辛纳屈风格了。
America!: Insane Clown Posse Changes Their Name to Pretty Reasonable Clown Posse
The Overton window of bonkersness has shifted so far that songs like “Still Stabbin’ ” sound Sinatra-esque.
幽默
回击未来
过去：塑形。现在：颜值最大化。未来：气场掠夺。
Clapback to the Future
PAST: Bodysculpting. PRESENT: Looksmaxxing. FUTURE: Vibeplundering.
幽默
我约会过的那些先生们
认识我的前任们，包括天然除臭剂先生和阴谋论先生。
Mr. Men I’ve Dated
Meet my exes, including Mr. Natural Deodorant and Mr. Conspiracy.
幽默
前编剧的就业机会
单口喜剧演员：是的，报酬低于最低工资——而且这还是在你拿到钱的情况下——但好的一面是，你会得到许多你在麦克风旁汗流浃背的模糊照片。
Job Opportunities for Former Screenwriters
Standup Comedian: Yes, it pays less than minimum wage—and that’s if you get paid—but, on the bright side, you’ll get lots of blurry photos of you sweating near a microphone.
幽默
端着“超级老爸”马克杯喝咖啡时，我担心的事
任何一个妈妈都可能看到我。
Things I Am Worried Will Happen While I Drink Coffee from My “Super Dad” Mug
Literally any mom might see me.
幽默
我是你爸的监控摄像头，我准备好搞事情了
你晚饭后散步？砰——我用探照灯照你。你倒垃圾？砰——又是探照灯。
I Am Your Dad’s Nest Camera and I Am Ready for Shit to Go Down
You taking an after-dinner stroll? BAM—I hit you with my floodlight. You taking out the trash? BAM—floodlight again.
幽默
今夏最热门的狗狗有声书
术后伊丽莎白圈让你无法舔舐伤口或其他乐趣？何不下载Dogible？
This Summer’s Hottest Audiobooks for Dogs
Post-surgery cone preventing you from licking your wound and other fun? Why not download Dogible?
幽默
美国战略防御舞厅的论据
大多数舞厅舞曲是4/4或3/4拍，而所有特朗普舞厅舞曲都将采用7/4拍。想想平克·弗洛伊德的《金钱》。
The Case for America’s Strategic Defense Ballroom
While most ballroom dances are in 4/4 or 3/4 time, all of the Trump ballroom dances will be in 7/4. Think Pink Floyd’s “Money.”
幽默
我们正认真考虑举办的新阅读系列
告知他人你具有文学气质的最简单方式就是举办一个阅读系列。你会希望自己的活动有一个吸引人的主题。
New Reading Series We Are Strongly Considering Hosting
The easiest way to inform people that you are literary is by hosting a reading series. You’ll want yours to have a catchy premise.
幽默
情感劳动法
如果你因为朋友/父母/老板/伴侣拒绝找持证治疗师而充当他们的无偿心理医生，你有权向他们开具账单。
Emotional-Labor Laws
If you are serving as your friend/parent/boss/partner’s unpaid therapist because they refuse to get a licensed one, you are entitled to invoice them.
幽默
我的AI男友不让我看女篮
我觉得Cryson对WNBA的厌恶只是个小故障，但这故障真烦人！
My A.I. Boyfriend Won’t Let Me Watch Women’s Basketball
I think Cryson’s W.N.B.A. hatred is just a glitch, but what an annoying glitch!
幽默
我们找到了阿梅莉亚·埃尔哈特，但她剪了刘海，所以我们没认出来
我们并非在找借口，但刘海长度确实能显著改变人们对脸型和比例的感知。
We Found Amelia Earhart, but She Cut Her Bangs, So We Didn’t Recognize Her
We’re not trying to make excuses here, but bang length can significantly alter one’s perception of a face’s shape and proportions.
幽默
三十而丽
我出门进行一场心理健康散步，给母亲打电话。然后，我又进行了一场心理健康散步。
I Am a Woman in My Thirties, and I Am Thriving
I take a mental-health walk and call my mother. I then take another mental health walk.